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Tuesday, July 2, 2019

How To Drive Them Wild With Your Sexy Knowledge of Immigration

Continuing my efforts to get more eyes on an important subject, I've opted for the old adage that "sex sells;" and a Cosmo-style erotic guide has got to bring in those tantalizing clicks! I'm putting the "bait" in click bait. Sexy!
I did hot, hot research; looking like a sexy Bernie Sanders

That's right, I'm going to teach you how to get your partner all hot and bothered by talking about U.S. Immigration policy. Meow!

sexy space bar
And what's hotter than going down...south. Ohhhh. We're talking south of the border, baby; all the way to hot Mexico. Muy Caliente! Prrrrrr.

First, you want to sit your sultry consort down and slowly explain that the U.S. has had a wicked history with Mexico for *whispers* sooooo loooooong.

The sexiest explanations are done with glasses in mouth
Next, you'll seductively stroke your partner's chin and tell them that America has been bad, really bad.

Look into their eyes as you tell them that in 1846, James K. Polk declared war with Mexico and redrew the U.S. border to include now modern-day Texas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, California, Utah, Arizona, and Colorado; so Mexicans living in those areas were then considered "illegal" simply because of the new border.

Then, you will sensually murmur into their ear that in the 1930s Hoover would blame the Great Depression on Mexicans and would deport 1.8 million people, even those that were U.S. citizens. He called it "Mexican Repatriation." What a scandalous turn of phrase!

Slowly, tell your amour how the U.S. needed Mexicans back during World War II. They wanted workers to fill in for the overseas American soldiers and wooed them with an exploitive and shameful labor policy called Braceros, which resembled that of post-civil war southern sharecropping. It was a major blight on U.S. immigration history.

Lean in and tell your beloved about an even bigger blight: Eisenhower's Operation Wetback in the 1950s. Yes, that's the ACTUAL NAME. This policy detained and separated families and then deported them en mass. Sound familiar?
Making a correlation between past and present policy. So hot.
Presented without caption
Lick your lips and explain that post-Eisenhower, Mexican immigration could be described as having a circular flow. This means that migrants would come into the U.S. to work seasonal farm jobs, save up money and return home. This would repeat cyclically and undocumented immigration during this time was actually at an all-time low. Circular flow immigration was beneficial to both countries.

Now that you have their erotic attention, passionately tell them that "illegal" immigration increased dramatically, however, once Reagan, Bush, and Clinton enacted stricter border enforcement. The once benign circular flow of seasonal migration stopped, and now the migrant workers were stuck on the U.S. side of the border, afraid to return to Mexico. The drop of the Mexican peso pushed even more Mexican citizens to risk crossing the border in search of a better economic situation.

Your liberal lover is probably on the edge. Now is when you can cool them down by telling them that unfortunately, Bill Clinton had a part to do with the modern immigration debacle. Up until 1992, California was pretty red. Clinton won California, but was seeking re-election and immigration in CA was a hot button issue. He ran on a platform of strict border enforcement, hoping to further turn Cali blue.

Is it hot in here? Or is that the Sonoran desert?
Look into your partner's bewildered eyes and explain that the increased border security at major entry points (San Diego, El Paso, etc.) pushed border traffic to extremely rough terrain, like the Sonoran desert.

As your betrothed lowers their eyes, you can tell them that by forcing migrants to cross the sweltering unforgiving terrain, the death toll of migrants began to rise.

Massage their back as you explain that the U.S. was sadly ok with the deaths and according to an embarrassing Government Accountability report in 1997, this was seen as nature "doing the dirty work" and the government actually saw the rise in border crossing deaths as a good thing.

As you both start to weep, you then softly sigh and tell them that many of the bodies found in the Sonoran desert are beyond identifying because of the way that the hot, arid climate accelerates the decomposition process. Many will never know if their loved ones died in the desert.

Now that you are completely forlorn, tell them that the U.S. also has a long history of separating children from their families, starting with the slave trade, then the Native Americans, then Japanese Americans and now with Central and South American migrants.

As you shamefully look at your feet, remind your beloved that even Obama had a brief and temporary policy of family separation. While still shameful, it's not even a drop in the bucket compared to the Trump administration's zero tolerance policy.

Putting the "bothered" in hot and bothered.
Now that you are both reduced to withering piles of mortification, you can discuss how even if the children manage to be reunited with their families and are allowed their day in court to apply for citizenship or plea for asylum, the U.S. Immigration Court system is so fucked that most do not receive a fair trial; or even a trial.

At this time, you should remind your sad sex friend that  Professor Dough Massy explains in an NPR interview that crime is actually lower amongst immigrants in general, compared to native-born Americans. Undocumented workers also pay into social security, pay taxes and are not stealing American jobs. The majority of jobs performed by migrant workers are seasonal harvest jobs that American citizens do not want to do. In fact, under Trump's zero-tolerance policy, these jobs are now underemployed and employers are struggling to find workers.

Now that you are both drenched in the sweat of sadness, you can address the fact that under Trump, Border Agents are acting hostile towards members of Congress who are visiting these border detention facilities. This is all too similar to the actions of authoritarian regimes, with whom Donald Trump is very chummy. Strange bedfellows, indeed.

Feeling myself, my shameful and saddened self
As you slowly redress your demilitarized zones, you can share a sad cigarette knowing this dehumanization of migrants and their children at the border is the very same method that the Third Reich used to marginalize Jews and minority groups leading up to the Holocaust.

As you sob in the after glowering, realize that you need to take action. Sexy, action.

1. You can donate to the ACLU or the other organizations I listed in the this previous post. Hot!
2. You can participate in peaceful protest. Shake that sexy fist!
3. You can volunteer. I Loooove to watch you volunteer.
4. You can vote. Ooh, stuff my ballot box!

Looking like a politically active snack.
For more information about the history of border policy, I suggest you check out RadioLab's 3 part series on immigration and this episode of Adam Ruin's Everything.

Both resources provided me with the majority of the info for this post.







4 comments:

Meridith said...

Flashbacks to explaining I really was checking out Playboy to read the articles. Absolutely love your fun and informative take on such a crucial issue! Great writing and hook :)

K.S.M. said...

Hahahahaha! I'm glad you liked it!

Anonymous said...

Very sexy! And enragingly informative!
-Madame Gem

Jack said...

Great writing.

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